The Initiation

"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First, to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet". -Rumi

I was interested in dissolving the veils of illusion that perpetuate the concept of separation...this was the wall that I was seeking to break down.  And so, the first seminar in LA took me to a place of stillness beyond the five senses, the sixth sense and bliss, which are all distractions to the ever-present awareness that I AM.  In France, at an Abbey named St. Antoine, I continued this inquiry by asking who is it that is seeking?  Who Am I?  And by asking this question, the "I" dissolved into the ocean of awareness.  "I" as Angela no longer existed.  This body, the waves of thought and emotion, of identity and labels all dissolved away.  This voice stated "I am soluble in the vast ocean of conscious awareness."  But wasn't sure of my readiness to completely let go...

FEAR came up for me during this first week, as I dangled on the precipice of my-self.  "If I let go now, I will no longer exist" feared my ego, my little "self."  This "self" cried, physically, as my ego held me down kicking and screaming.  "How will I ever be able to relate to others or another again?" 

As I connected with the big "Self," existence itself, the small "self" shrunk to a minuscule atom, the body disappeared into nothing/timelessness/on-goingness, everything that I had identified my-self with was no longer. 

"No-Thing is the building block of the Universe." - A. J. Wheeler

When this occurred and I let go, there was an expansion the small "I" expanded beyond the form, so that it could feel outside: the tickles of the ant's feet as it walked across a leaf, the fragrance of the flower wafting in the soft, warm breeze, the cloud as it is ever-changing.  This wave that "I am" in the ocean of awareness, became aware of itself, for the first time.  And so, this wave dissolved back down into that ocean.  As it did, there were galaxies in the awareness, vast Universes, multiple dimensions of thought, miraculous creation.  And LOVE, so much Love.

At the following workshop, near Narbonne in the south of France, the fear was all gone, the drama and the emotions, what was left was open awareness and joy.  As we worked together engaged left eye to left eye, we spoke from our heart space:  "Please tell me what is love to you?" "Please tell me who am I to you?"  "Please tell me what is arising in awareness in this moment?"  As we continued in this process, the "I" again dissolved away, and the people that I may have once deemed complex, full of past-lives and traumatic setbacks, disappeared as well.  First just the eye remained, until they completely dissolved as well.  So this aware witness that is always present behind this eye, this "I" that is seeing was no longer, the "You" or other was no longer, what was left was absolute stillness, without subject or object, without thought, or emotion, or attachment, without identity! 

So from this place, where no-thing, nothing and everything exist, the next question came from Len: "what object is arising in awareness in this moment" - and there was nothing left - silence, stillness, peace, there were no more words....and the laugh came.  A laugh that only a few can identify.  A laugh that is the cosmic joke...what everyone is seeking is nothing!!!  It is so simple, the most simple moment of this life.  No great light, no great image, no shocking revelation, but absolute simplicity.  And the laugh continued, and a laugh that this body has never laughed erupted....it is a trick question, because there is no object, if there is no subject.  And the LIGHT in the room was blinding...and everything was NEW....and familiar.    

      

This has been The Initiation. 

The Ascension.

So when I came back to reality, everything has changed, relations to people, objects, animals, experiences have changed.  Even the relationship to the past and future is different.  It is only the ego, small-self that goes there.  When "I" relate now, there is no "I" to take anything personally, just grace and gratitude to have this new perspective. 

This awareness is looking out of new eyes.

It is the loving awareness in "you" that "I" am now writing to, it is that grace and light that "I" address.  Knowing that I am you and you are me, having had the visceral experience in this body, there is only unconditioned LOVE!! 

Unconditioned ACCEPTANCE.

Love

love

Love

Angela Tongue